2012 – Embrace Yours Fears
I noticed I started being more hesitant in making decisions. I am generally a very spontaneous and bold person. I have no problem stepping up to do things I have never done before or speak when I am not sure what I should say. Yet somehow with 2011 closing, I had begun over thinking to the point of being nonresponsive. I would think so hard before I leaped that I ended up never leaping. So I starting recklessly running towards my fears. If it frightened me even the slightest I did it to break the behavioral norm I had developed. Thank God I did. 2012 was full of wonderful new experiences and friendships.
2013 – Be Strong
This was the year I felt like I was drowning. Every day was a struggle to keep my head above water. I was two seconds from leaving my dream school because I couldn’t afford it. Two years, two loans and my parents retirement down the drain. I was staring into a dark tunnel of indecisiveness. I wasn’t sure where to go, what credits I was sure would transfer. I couldn’t see me leaving my friends. My boyfriend at the time was deployed in Afghanistan and I found myself alone. I had recently crossed into my sorority and had to pay dues. I was working three jobs. I am an overachiever and couldn’t fathom the idea of having any C’s, so any free moment I was studying and doing homework. Often customers would find me reading and studying flash cards at the register any of my jobs. On top of all that I had to be apart of The Entrepreneurship Club for my major. Whenever I tried to even think about everything I had to do I almost broke into hives. Every person that saw me, asked my schedule or knew my schedule literally said, “how are you doing ALL that?” I would jokingly say, “I’m wonderwoman.” But inside I was asking myself the same questions! I knew something had to give but I couldn’t see what could. Secretly, I was having health issues only my mother knew about. Literally, it was only by God’s grace I made it to 2014.
2014 – Live Free
I finally made it to senior year. I was going to graduate ON TIME! Money came out of nowhere. Strength came out of nowhere. I was so close to the finish line. I bought my senior essentials. I got the grades I needed but I could not deny I wasn’t talking to my family as much as I usually do. My boyfriend and I painfully, decided to just be friends. A week later, to my deepest regret, my granny passed away. Although it was her time, I wasn’t able to see her or speak to her. I felt like I had hit an all time low. I became depressed because no one wanted to interrupt my studies to tell me she was sick. Because I felt I deserved to know. Because I would have stopped what I was doing to see her. Because life goes on and all I wanted was the chance to say goodbye. I had never experienced depression before and I did not know how to fight it. Thankfully, my sisters and friends helped me. I got my first ever D on my transcript that semester, although my teachers were very understanding! I had burdens to let go. And I made sure I dropped every bag of regret, depression, negativity as the year came to a close. I self-published my first book, Surviving: Teenage Battlewounds, graduated and walked with almost all my family to witness. I got my acceptance letter into my dream job, the Peace Corps. I self-published a second book, my best work yet, Conversations with the Heart, committed to writing a blog (thanks for reading) and hit ten thousand views today (a little over three months of starting it.) I started modeling and most importantly living more free. Making decisions for me and not for others.
As you can see they kind of built on each other without me even knowing that’s what I was doing or would need. God is funny like that. Life just keeps going and you realize you were being prepared your entire life for one moment or another. Now almost a month into 2015, I know what this year’s theme will be. It’s Operation: Faith because now more than ever I need to strengthened my ability to trust in the Lord. I have 33 days until March 3rd, my ship out date to Nicaragua. I am full of nervous excitement. I know this is where I need to be and I can’t wait to see what God does in my life. Yesterday I attended a friend’s church in Atlanta (thank God for my Atlanta sorors) and the pastor said, “If God sent you, He has a responsibility to foot the bill.” He basically said to trust God that I am where He has for me to be and no matter what I will be taken care of. I truly believe that the prayers of the righteous are NEVER forsaken. I have no idea what’s in store for me but I can’t wait! I can’t wait for the life lessons, experiences and most importantly for God to show up and out. Operation: Faith is the time for me to learn how to confidently expect things from the Lord. How can I expect Him to take me places I’ve never been if I don’t pack my bags, right? God bless you and I hope you keep the New Year Resolutions you made.